My safety plan
Just think of your safety plan as a fire drill. You may not use it everyday but the day that you do use it you will be glad you were prepared. Remember its best to make your safety plan when you have a clear mind, because when you feel unsafe or threatened it is much harder to think clearly about what is the best course of action.
You may feel like you do not need or want to break up with your boyfriend/ girlfriend at this moment. But there are things that you can do so you feel safe in your relationship.
If you do feel unsafe with your boyfriend/ girlfriend but are not yet sure how to leave here are a few things to help you that you can do right away:
- Tell friends or family and get them to help protect you by being around you when your boyfriend/ girlfriend is there. For example, instead of going out alone, go out with a group of friends or invite them around to your place when you know your family will be home.
- Try not to be alone with them or places you can’t get away from
- Think of ways to stay in control of the situation. For example, if you are out arrange a way of getting home rather than going with them, try not to drink too much or use drugs. Take extra money in case you need to call a taxi or use a pay phone
- Have an excuse prepared so you can leave quickly if you feel uncomfortable or scared. You may even have a friend ring you or pop by with an excuse
- Have a code word or signal that you can use to get friends to help you
- If you go to school/ uni/ work with him, tell a teacher or workmate you trust to help protect you or help give you some space
- Memorise or write down the number of the police so you can call them if you are in danger (000 from a landline or 112 from a mobile phone)
- If he has your email details when he is online turn your status to offline. Same for chat programs.
- If you want to break up with your boyfriend/ girlfriend but are scared about their reaction, you should consider telling them over the phone or internet or even when other people are around. Don’t be worried about other people’s reactions to this. What other people think isn’t as important as your safety.
So now you have some things to think about…..
Think about: Your Boyfriend
- Write a list of the ways that you think your boyfriend has been or is being abusive towards you (remember some of the types of abuse WEEO WISER has mentioned. Eg. Physical abuse, sexual abuse, verbal abuse, emotional abuse, financial abuse, social abuse….)
- Why does your boyfriend do this behaviour? What does he get by doing it? (Eg. His friend’s think hers cool, you do things he wants you to do…
- How does his behaviour/ abuse make you feel?
- How has his behaviour/ abuse affected you- has it changed who you feel about yourself, what you do in your spare time, who you talk to, your marks at school……?
- How have some of the negative things your boyfriend has said to you made you feel about yourself?
- How have you been able to continue without letting the abuse take over?
Think About: What would happen if you stayed or went?
- If you break up:
- What are the good things If you break up?
- What are the bad things if you break up?
- If you stay in the relationship:
- What are the good things If you stay together?
- What are the bad things If you stay together?
- What is your worst fear if you leave?
- What is your worst fear if you stay?
Think about: Choosing to leave
- Who can you talk to that could help you (maybe you still have the Important people worksheet)?
- What personal strengths do you have to keep you going?
- What things can you do to make yourself be and feel stronger? (Eg. Spend more time with your friends, write a diary…)
Think about: A safe way to break up
- Do you have a friend or family member who you can talk to before and after?
- Do you know service numbers to call so you can talk to someone before or after a problem/ breakup for advice?
- Do you know service numbers in case of an emergency?
- Do you know a safe place where you could meet to break up? (Somewhere public or with friends or family close by, somewhere open in the day time)
- Are you safer to break up over the internet or phone (will he get aggressive or abuse you if you do it in person)?
- Is there someone you could have with you (friend or family member)?
- If you are breaking up in person does someone know where you are going and how long you will be?
- Good luck and remember that you are a strong and beautiful woman and you deserve to have a happy, healthy and equal relationship!
Adapted from the Domestic Violence Resource Centre Victoria. Retrieved 28th March 2006