HOW TO SUPPORT A FRIEND
Who tells you she’s in a violent or abusive relationship….
It takes a lot of courage for a young woman to trust someone enough to talk about violence in a relationship. Because she has chosen you as a trusting person it is important that you respect her trust and not talk about it to other friends. (If you really need to talk to someone about it, you can always ring a service anonymously.)
You may feel angry, upset, like laughing and making jokes or be confused. It is important you LISTEN, BELIEVE & RESPECT her confidence & ASSIST HER TO GET HELP.
She may be feeling frightened, powerless, responsible, ashamed, guilty, or angry, so here are some ways you can help:
DO:
- Listen to her, believe her & let her know this.
- Thank her for trusting you enough to talk to you, because it’s a really difficult thing to talk about.
- Tell her it’s not her fault.
- Respect her right to confidentiality.
- Give her information about where to get help & support.
- Support her in the choices she makes, whether you agree with them or not.
- Let her know if you’ve been in a violent relationship so you understand. You want to support her to look at what she can do about it.
- Respect her strength.
DON'T:
- Tell her she’s stupid for staying with him.
- Ignore what she’s told you.
- Minimise the abuse or the pain she has suffered.
- Try to counsel her or rescue her from the situation.
- Seek revenge through further violence.
- Sympathise with the abuser & tell her it’s hard for him, too.
- Tell her lots of details about your own previous abusive relationship.
BREAK THE SILENCE ON VIOLENCE!