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True stories

Wonder what it feels like to live with a violent boyfriend? Ever thought you could end up in a wheelchair because you told your ex you didn’t want to get back together?

Well that’s exactly what happened to Anj. She’s lived the nightmare of a violent relationship & its long, painful aftermath. And she’s survived to tell the story.

Anj’s Story…

Angela was violently assaulted by her boyfriend a few years ago and almost died as a result. She has fought her way back from hell and is a strong and passionate advocate for young women.

We were thrilled to have Anj and her parents, Helen & Ian visit for the Peer educators Graduation in July 2007. She gave this speech on the day through her text-to-voice machine. It’s her message to young women.

anj at peer educators graduation

“Hello Ladies and Gentlemen,

I would like to thank you all very much for inviting me here to help you all celebrate you’re graduation today. I feel very honoured and privileged to be here. It is very encouraging to know my small part in the fight against domestic violence is being heard, taken as serious as it should be and is hopefully having some effect.

I was very pleased to hear you’re beginning to talk with year nine students, as that’s when I began my relationship with my moody, abusive, violent boyfriend.

Despite the horrific injuries he inflicted on me, and all the medical teams belief that I wouldn’t be able to improve any further, with a bit of strength and determination I have proved them wrong. I always try to keep moving forward, and with the help of my family and friends I’ve been able to keep soldiering on, though it hasn't been by any means easy.

My parents were asked if they would like to participate in developing a video directed at young girls to stop them becoming involved in violent relationships, so they asked me how I felt, if I would mind sharing my story and whether it might be too emotional but I thought it was a great idea, because it might stop other girls being as foolish as me and ending up in my situation. We need to build young peoples self-esteems, to stop them from thinking violent behaviour is acceptable and ending up in a violent relationship.

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I’m not sure if you’re all aware but I could actually speak completely normal before this, I was a very good athlete; I was a great high jumper, played centre in games of netball, played squad basketball, footy, soccer and really many sports before my injury. I used to sing with my friends (we were sure we had careers!) I was a very happy, active, popular, enthusiastic young teenager, starting year 11, I focused on my studies and being voted in to the V.C.E leadership group as a leader, I had finally realised I would never be able to change him.

I was a young girl, who foolishly believed she was in love. There are many things I am now aware of, which should have led me to end our relationship. Like when:

  • He would often verbally abuse me.
  • When he began expressing violence.
  • He would make me stay back from girls days out and threaten violence if I left, when alone with him, he would gain control by breaking down and become very emotional, cry and carry on telling some story which was so often, if not always a big, fat horrible lie (he was a very, great actor)

So if he demonstrates any threats of or any physical violence get out, realise it’s not worth it, no matter what happiness he may bring on a good day. Even if he only starts insulting you’re friends, if he becomes obsessive, by any means and wanting you to start spending every second with him, if he starts deterring you from spending time with anyone else and anything you like, if anyone else considers his behaviour strange or aggressive.

Girls just realise how great, sexy, cool and smart you all are and don’t worry about whatever nonsense anyone else thinks! Just focus on you’re studies and getting the best job, boys don’t really matter at you’re age, their just for fun on occasions, at the moment!

If I had my time again I would have listened to everyone: parents, teachers, friends, councillors and what they were telling me. So I should of turned my ears on and heard how foolishly hormonal they believed I was being continuing to return to such a violent, negative, and abusive relationship.

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As I think I may have previously stated I chose to make my film and let my story be told to do my best to help girls and women stay out of and do their best to keep away from the predicament I found myself landed smack bang in the hard-core middle of one day, when I really came too, in a Melbourne a nursing home, 9 months later.

Girls really need to open their eyes, except information, and direction from all who love, respect and care for you, when you’re in a relationship, no matter what you’re partner says, always remember you’re number one, and without respect in you’re relationship, it just wont ever work happily for you both.

So if they don’t like playing by you’re rules tell them they can “hit the road jack and don’t you ever come back into my life.” Many people wont change unless their put in a situation, where they have too, or there will be consequences, make them understand you’re better then that, say I don’t have to tolerate that shit, you can’t just treat me like that unless you can begin to respect me as an equal. I’ll have to end our relationship. Leave and go straight to the nearest police station right then and there, so he realises you’re not stuffing around any more.

I am now aware of what I should have done to end the relationship:

  • Number one I should have done it in public vision so he couldn’t hurt me.
  • I shouldn’t have ever listened to or taken anything he said so seriously, unless it was at face value to avoid a violent out burst.
  • I shouldn’t have continued to spend so much time alone with him and let him have so much power.
  • I shouldn’t have let him gain complete control over me as soon as our relationship began.
  • realised he’s a violent dirt bag, straight away which meant I needed to end the relationship full stop, as soon as the violence was expressed, no matter what for.

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Though I was only 16 when I was bashed, now only being days off 22, I hope to keep others away from violent and controlling relationships.

I wish to be seen as a strong, inspirational, young lady in helping others in my will to achieve this.

I just hope all the young women who hear my story take the right kind of power in their lives, keep it real and don’t play the fool. Thank you all again for inviting me here to speak, I really do hope I have said something of some value and relevance. I wish you all the very best of luck in you’re careers.”

Angela (Anj) Barker
31st August 2007

Violence in relationships really happens to young women in relationships. Here are some other websites with true stories by young women your age experiencing violence in their relationship….